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You stare blankly at your computer screen.
You feel crippled by the sight of her email address in your inbox.
You don’t know whether you should read the message or just discard it. You start feeling emotional. You start remembering the first night you slept alone in your bed, the bed you built together out of wooden pallets, the bed that you cried in, laughed in, fucked in, shared dreams and philosophical conversations in for almost five years. Continue reading
Do you know that feeling? You meet someone. You start dating. Things are going well. You enjoy spending time with her. You look forward to seeing her. And for a while, that’s how it is.
Then one day, while you’re sitting at your desk occupied by a hundred other things, this tiny little thought creeps into your head and sits itself down right in center of your brain. Continue reading
when two lines suddenly cross
without knowing where the other came from?
they should move on
both in their own direction
lines have a will
that not even math can control
so they start circling each other instead Continue reading
Unrequited love should not exist, the powers that be in the universe should forbid it. Its existence makes me doubt intelligent design. It makes me scoff at those who believe they control their destiny. Whenever I hear someone utter the words “I always get what I want” I sigh and nod and hope they never learn the bitter truth.
Unrequited love should not exist. I remember the first time I kissed you; well, the first time you kissed me. I remember it as if it were happening right now. You leaned in and kissed me, and while there was no music playing in the background it did appear to me that time slowed down and I experienced our first kiss in slow motion. I remember feeling light-headed. Not because I was nervous or exhilarated, but rather because I forgot to breathe. Continue reading
How can I affect your perspective?
Do you have faith in God? Do you believe that where he closes a door, he opens a window? Have you ever considered that I may be that window?
Do you like romantic comedies? Have you ever considered that I’m the good friend who’s right in front of you? Can we skip to the part where you figure that out and run into my arms before they roll credits?
But how can I ask you to let go of something you think has potential, when I am completely helpless to let go of nothing for the very same reason?
I can’t. and I won’t. Because I understand. And ironically, I love you all the more for it.
But all the understanding in the world can’t stop the nails dragging against chalkboard sensation in the back of my throat every time we speak.
So when I cough or stop to catch my breath as we talk, you should know, I’m choking back a single chalky thought:
Just let me love you. Just… just let me love you.
I’ve been writing pages and pages to express a certain experience, a certain feeling. I couldn’t get it right.
Then I found this.
يمكن لأ ما بحبك، بس كتير بتعجبيني…
كتير بحس لازم نكون سوا
كتير بدي نكون سوا…
يمكن ما رح اقدر قلك ياها بحياتي لأنّ
إنت بتعرفي ليش
أنت بتعرفي ليش أنا خايفي
يمكن إنت خايفي متلي، خايفي رفيقتك تعرف و تخرف عليكي
خايفي من شو رح تقول عنك و عني
أو يمكن مش خايفي ولا حتّا عم تفكري فيي
يمكن عنجد أنا بس صديقة مش أكتر
يمكن يمكن يمكن
آخ كم يمكن بيجي على راسي بالنهار
عم ضل فكّر فيكي
من أول مرة شفتك فيا و سرقتي شي من عقلي بس فقدت الامل من زمان
Can you picture standing on train tracks, watching a train approach? You are looking upon your imminent destruction. The wind picks up, and you can feel it rushing through your hair and tugging at the loose corners of your shirt. You take a deep breath. The train is closer now. You can feel the vibrations marching up your legs. You open your arms wide, expand your chest filling your lungs with air and holding it there; bracing for impact.
The air is knocked right out of your lungs in an instant. Your body caves forward a little, as if trying to absorb the blow. But there is none. The train does not slam into you; it goes through you. Car after car, you can feel the exhilarating energy of that charging locomotive tearing through you, setting your soul ablaze. It fills you up, it electrifies you, it overwhelms you, it intoxicates you, it carves out what was inside you and replaces it with this glorious white fire that….
That’s gone. The train has passed, and you are left standing there on the tracks, out of breath, dazed, the taste of white flames on your tongue, and now and forever desperate for another train.
This is how I feel every time I see your smile.
if your life after loving me
is any different
from the time
before you met me
you being in bed
with old and new lovers
telling them stories
about women in your life
now adding one