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She Will be Loved

I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow I want more

I don’t mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
And ask her if she wants to stay a while

I know how you hide alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
-Maroon 5, She will be loved

I was crazy in love with a girl; she was SO amazing. I couldn’t contain myself. Every thought of her made my heart race and my stomach do a tap dance. And I knew, deep down I knew she felt the same way. The looks we shared; the longer than usual hugs… And then one night we went for a drive, and this song came on the radio. I love this song, and back then I felt like it expressed so much of what I was feeling. So the song came on, I sang along to it loudly and happily, or gayly if I may 😛 And 30 seconds after the song was over I had told her how I feel and she’d said she felt the same way. I will love this song forever!

– SheWillBe

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If a Tree Falls

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?”

She made me a portable hug. Like really. She measured her arm span, and then sewed together socks and cloth and cotton, and made me a hug. “When you miss me, you can wrap it around you and know that I’m thinking of you”.

It’s the sweetest thing ever. I have it hung over my bed.

She made a hug for me and I can’t tell anyone. I can’t gush to any of my friends that my partner just did this awesome thing. Everyone I know thinks I’m single. Everyone I care about thinks I’m single.

I can’t tell my family for obvious reasons. I can’t tell my friends for less obvious reasons. And where I am now anyway, I don’t really have any real friends.

I find it strange that while, maybe for the first time in a long time, I’m in a healthy and happy relationship, I feel lonely. Does it make sense that I think I may have finally found the person I want to share the rest of my life with, and now that person is the ONLY person I can share my life with?

Most of the time I don’t think about this. I focus on the good, and on being in the moment and happy, because I am. But every once in a while this feeling seeps in, and I guess today is one of those days. It usually happens on weekends, when I don’t have work during the day. I can’t shake it, but it goes away by itself normally by the next day.
It’s worse when the things I need to share are bad. Like if we have a fight.

So yeah, that’s me right now. In love, loved, and feeling lonely.


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Homophobia is Following You

I was recently on a work trip that I was very excited about. When I found out I had been selected to go I was thrilled. I promised my girlfriend I’d get her all the little soaps and shampoos that were in the hotel room I’d be staying at; she loves collecting them!

I pick myself up, and fly half way across the world, and find myself in the company of people on my team who I’ve only ever corresponded with by email. It’s great; I’m meeting new people, putting faces to names, and learning quite along the way. Everyone working in the middle east branches has been invited to this event.

One evening we go out for dinner. We are sitting at a nice table in a cool diner with candles and a wonderful ambiance. I’m nose deep in whatsapp when, all of a sudden, one of my colleagues mutters something under his breath, and then more loudly warns us – the people sitting across from him – not to look behind us.

“ya te3teeri…Allah ysabberna”… or something to that effect is what the other colleague sitting beside hims says.

I look up at them, curious. What is going on? I ask them: Shou fi?

“Fi bentein 3am bi bouso ba3don 3al tawle warakon… shou hal araf…”.

The reactions around the table are those of disdain and disgust. I absorb them as I ponder the irony of this situation, and I tap send on the “I miss you so much…” I had just typed into the whatsapp conversation I was having with my female love interest. I lock my phone and put it on the table before me.

I guess there’s no escaping homophobia, it follows you everywhere.I just really wasn’t expecting it. I had been somewhere else in my mind, enjoying the trip and the experience; happy. And in that instant, when I least expected it, that remark stung.

It was a reminder that while I know about each of their personal lives and partners and families, mainly because they won’t shut up about them or stop showing pictures of them,  I do not have that same privilege. Who I love is not something I can share as we dip bread sticks into olive oil and munch on them. What I consider my family and my source of joy is not a suitable topic of conversation. And I have to smile and shrug as the conversation comes my way in these matters, and I’m told that I need to partner up soon; the clock is ticking…

I turn my attention back to the conversation. The colleague who had made the first remark is now saying how he found out his 16 year old had a girlfriend which was a relief because he’s finally sure that “ebno tabee3i”.

I sigh. And I let the remark and their reactions go. They are of no significance. I plunge myself back into what I am now painfully aware is shallow conversation and in the back of my mind I am thinking about what is to come… a certain bathtub, certain little soaps and shampoos, and a certain lady that takes my breath away.

– Mina