26/7 … 10:35
I remember we were arguing and i was so afraid of losing her ..
That’s when she sent me a message .. ” b7bek ” …
Do you know how it feels when you hear it from her for the first time? The first confession …
I remember the feelings, the butterflies, and the way you feel like you own the world.. And you can never leave her side .. Is it love?
we spent nights imagining how our first kiss will taste like .. just wishing to meet after all this time, and hug each other so tight that it would kill all the days you’ve missed each other in ..
the nights in which i dreamt of the taste of her lips .. kissing her tattoo on her neck .. And the mole on her chest … holding her tight, and saving her in my heart..
the moment she will put her head on my chest, and my arms will wrap all of her.. And my hands overflowing her beautiful blond hair …
Eventually and after many nights and dreams and arguments and love and pain ..
I traveled to meet her ..
And here comes the day we meet …..
We had to invent a place so my parents would drive me there to see her ..
The road, the road from my hotel to the downtown was the longest trip ever ..
After all her neglecting, her messages were raining on my phone ..
As much as she showed like she doesn’t wanna see me, and that she doesn’t care, as much as i know she had as much butterflies as i did, she was weakened by the intension of the be-waited meeting maybe ..
I remember i was with my family in a cab, with a stupid local driver who kept driving that cab and telling them that the place they are asking for does not exist.
Screw you sir, just drive me there!
and there .. I looked at my watched and it was 07:03
We arrived to ‘ Ice Cube ‘ and finally left the cab .. we planned to meet up there ..
And I was looking in every car, in the face of each passenger, every single person my eye had reached … Which side would she come from? How will she react? Will the meeting solve all the argues, and case? Will it manage to make her love me again? Is there any chance for our night dreams to come true? …
And there she comes .. With her blond hair i used to adore .. Her short jeans and her zebra t-shirt .. She didn’t talk or smile.. In fact, She didn’t react at all, as if she was shocked ..
So was I, the whole world disappeared when i saw her .. And I walked like my dream has come true .. then I heard my sister screaming : Ghradek! Your bag and your Camera! Ma bdek yahon?! ” ..
Yes .. I was in another world … I turned back to take them and my parents told me : “Are you sure this is her you want to meet?” ..
yes! Hell yes! She is! Seeing her was all I ever wanted ..
We walked together and the silence was ruling .. Does she still wanna see me? Am I good enough for her? Is she disappointed by what she thought I would be?
I had to ask her what’s wrong .. But she simply said ‘ wala shi ‘ ..
I was scared deep inside, did i do anything wrong?
I remember the first chit chat between us, was when we started walking next to each other and i told her ” see, i am not much shorter than you.. ” she barely looked at me with that look and said ” oh yes you are much shorter .. ” i should refer to the fact that the most thing that bothers me is referring to my height. I am short, i am, you just don’t have to point -.- .
the silence kept going and her looks were the same with that shocked face, so i told her ” if you want me to go, my parents are still there behind us, i will go “
She finally woke up and said ” no have you lost your mind! “
and we walked .. Trying to mislead my parents who were behind us all the way ..
I remember all the boys were staring at her, they have the right, isn’t she the most beautiful creature on Earth? Oh yes .. She is ..
Many boys were even talking about her, but one of them actually yelled with those words shawaya use, i turned around to face that motherfucker, do i kill him? she laughed and told me ” walk ahead mister .. “
So we were walking in the street trying to run away from the crowd, and as a gentle-woman i asked her to walk ahead .. But she directly said ” you are shorter, you walk ahead ” .. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it burnt me.
We were planning to go to a place that she picked for us, i guess it was by the sea .. But the plan was canceled as we both were wearing shorts and she said she thought they would eat us if we go there with our very short shorts.. So after turning around the same place several times not knowing what to do, we decided to sit in a cafe called ” Piano ” ..On Thursdays usually the cafes become full, but this one was empty .. So we sat on a couch out side .. Few minutes later, she started to ventilate the air around through her hand, and saying ” Shob! Ktir shob! ” ..
I felt so too, but that wasn’t because of the weather ..
Was she really feeling hot? Or is it because of me? The effect of butterflies and intensity and nervousness?
We changed our table and moved inside the cafe ..
And We started chatting .. I remember she told me she only had one hour to spend with me and she had to be at home at 8 ..
the cafe was too calm, the moment they turned the music on louder, popped the song of ” Unbreak my heart, say you love me again .. ” as if i told them to put it on .. she laughed, i knew she understood, i did too .. and that was the first sign of destiny telling us that we are meant to be .. i looked at her and saw her dimple .. Her dimple .. That deserves a whole poem by itself ..
I turned and said .. ” YOU HAVE A DIMPLE! ” .. Yes .. The most thing i love about a girl is her dimple .. She laughed, but she has always tried to hide her smile because she doesn’t like her teeth .. And how the hell can you convince a girl that you worship her teeth and her smile and her dimple! And everything she didn’t like about herself! How can you convince her that she is perfect to you with all her imperfection?
And during the entire time, i kept asking her to show me her smile, her dimple .. And to lay off her hand and stop hiding her smile .. Her smile that brightened my world ..
We talked and talked .. About us and everything ..
In my mind, I arrange a list of topics i wanted to discuss with her face to face, but all had disappeared the moment i saw her … As if all the memories of the past got erased, and the future didn’t matter anymore.. All that mattered was her …
The waitress came and asked to take our orders ” Pepsi ” she said .. And ” Pepsi Max! ” i said .. I had that weird addiction to the max one .. I hate Pepsi .. She gave me that look, and told the waitress ” No diets are allowed, bring her a Pepsi ” .. The waitress looked back at me waiting for my reply, and honestly it didn’t matter, nothing mattered except of her …
I was doing dumb stuff, but, i just wanted to impress her maybe .. The first time ever to have that confidence to actually act like a ” gentle-man ” with all its dimensions ..
She asked me about the bracelet i told her i made for her, so I asked her if i could sit next to her, she agreed. So i did.
I grabbed the bracelet from my bag, it was a rainbow specially made for us, one for her and another for me .. I skipped the light blue colour as the LGBT pride flag contains it no more … i tied it on her hand, and she tied it on mine .. And when i was back in my city, i wanted to make her a t-shirt with ” you complete my rainbow ” on it .. Because she does ..
the funny coincidence was that she made me a bracelet too .. What colour? Light blue! She didn’t know I was skipping that colour ..
She does! She does complete my rainbow!
And this was the next sign of the destiny confirming that we are meant to be ..
i bend on the table and looked at her again .. She is so beautiful ..
Every time she chose her pride, i told her ” stop! This might be the last time we meet. ” And I just had to ask her : ” If there wasn’t a distance between us, if you forgot about the deal of your parents and my parents and society, if you ignored the feeling of being afraid of everything.. Do you love me ? ” .. she said ” but it’s about everything not just about my parents and .. ” I interrupted her ” regardless on everything! Your parents and my parents and society and everything! Do you love me? “
” yes ” she said. ” not only loving you, but i am attached, i am attached to you ” ..
Her pride turned into love .. This was truly all that mattered on earth, even if I knew that we might not be together, not meet again in a long time, not be in a relationship, nothing of this mattered ..
She loves me .. That’s all i cared about ..
Time was running so fast that we didn’t even realise it is almost eight, she looked at her watch and started yelling ” it is almost eight !! “
we arranged our things and went to the bathroom to a take picture, of course my camera let me down, so we had to take a pic with her mobile phone ..
I remember i held her .. and she bend .. It was so close .. She was so close ..
And before we went out, i got closer, and she got frightened from the fact that i might give her a kiss on her lips, just like the night we spent imagining .. just like the dream we both had .. But i didn’t, because deep inside i knew that she doesn’t want me to, so i kissed her on her sweet cheek, and she gave me that beautiful smile again … We left the cafe and started running back to her place, because it’s actually after eight, and her mum was calling and she was running faster .. and under the light of the stars, and in the middle of the crowd, i got closer to her and grabbed her hand.. I finally know what her touch feels like ..
She was uncomfortable, and i asked her ” what’s wrong? Grab it tighter .. “
” people.. ” she said .. yes .. People had always been an obstacle on the road of love, society, killed us …
she told me to leave, but i insisted to walk all the road with her till she reaches her home .. Because to me, being lost in a foreign city is much better than knowing that she is going home alone and she might be in danger .. but also, i wanted to spend the maximum possible time with her ..
We reached the avenue next to her place .. And we stood because she had to continue alone so non of her parents and neighbours would see her, with me ..
It was time, time to say goodbye ..
I was lecturing her all the road, trying to convince her to be with me, to love me again like she did, but, you can never force anyone to love or be with you, can you? ..
I looked into her eyes, my heart was beating so fast, and i was about to say it for the first time ever in my life, by real words ..
she kissed me and almost left .. ” Wait! ” i said .. ” come back.. “
She turned around and came back.. ” What is it? ” ..
i grabbed her hand again, with too much adrenaline going through my blood, and a heart that almost got out of me .. ” What? Tell me what is it, fast i need to go!”
” I can’t say it..” i said .. I was too shy, too afraid, too excited, I really don’t know what the combination of feelings was, but it was too strong ..
And then .. The last words we said .. The words that stopped the time right in that moment .. The word that stopped the place right in that corner .. The words that broke all the rules of love and got beyond all societies and religions and thoughts.. The words that’ve been incised inside of our hearts.. As a life time vow .. And the hope that kept us alive ..
– ” B7bek… “
– ” Ana kaman … “