lesbian lebanon osashob

Tell her or let her go?

People say love is when you can’t breathe around that special someone, you can’t think, you can’t do anything… you’re just captivated by that someone.

But for me it was the complete opposite.
I couldn’t breathe eat think when she wasn’t around me. I couldn’t even smile nor focus on anyone.I didn’t care about anyone but her. Her, my whole life my first love my everything.

And the saddest part is that she didn’t know she was all that for me. I was a chicken. I will always be one when it comes to her. I didn’t and won’t ever have the courage to tell her.

Who’s her? My bad I didn’t make it clear perhaps. SHE is my best friend since five years. We met randomly clicked instantly. Since the day I met her my life changed we bonded on so many levels, we have so much in common it’s crazy. Our first year of friendship was beyond awesome; it was by far the best year of my life. And when I look back at it I regret not fully seizing it. It was more flirtationship .
But after that year it was the down fall 4 years and we’re drifting apart more and more, I barely talk to her now. I never told never will. But my heart will always be hers, my one and only.
Should I tell her? Should I end our friendship officially? Help, im lost numb and confused what should I do?


lesbian lebanon osashob

Keep Her Mother Happy

It’s been a while since the last post. Truth is, with everything going on in the world right now, our spirits are low. Just a few seconds online, or on tv/news, and we read about so many atrocities  and injustice and blatant inhumanity that we just want to curl up in bed and cry. But the stories are still coming in, and it’s sunny today, so we’re going to snap out of it.



Whats app on my phone is calling for my attention; 3 notifications in a row. I pick the phone up, it’s her mother. She just happens to be cooking one of my favorite foods this weekend so I should plan on coming over. She always remembers me when they’re going to make Wara2 3areesh.

Her mother is sweet and thoughtful. Ever since my parents traveled and I was left to tend to myself in Lebanon, she gets in touch often to check in with me and see if I need anything. And whenever she’s worried about her daughter, she dials my number.

The other day things got awkward for me, I’m not big on expressing emotions, and she told me she loved me; I was like a daughter to her, we were family she told me. If I ever needed anything I could count on her. And she ended by telling me that her daughter and I had something special, such a close relationship, and that we should stick by each other.

The fact that her mother trusts me so completely to take care of her daughter is really something else for me. I never want to lose that. I never want to betray that trust. I want her mother to know that she’s safe with me. That I’ll look out for her. That I will never abandon her. That she’ll always come first with me. It’s just the simple truth.

It’s Christmas eve and I’m at their home sitting at their table, a welcomed guest, an extended part of the family, loved… I feel like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and can’t help but realize that in truth I am the corruption, the mistake, the symbol of the worst thing that she wants to keep her daughter from doing.

The truth is that if her mother knew what we were to each other, that trust she has in me would shatter in an instant.

– Double Agent