Well reading the latest post on the blog brought back memories for me, so i thought i would share my story with you.
This story begins twenty years ago, when i was seven years old. See that girl with skinned knees and fluffy hair? Over there on the blue bicycle. Yep thats me. And that other girl with the black hair wearing jeans shorts? That’s Ellie, my neighbor and best friend. We are a mischievous duo and quite inseparable.
From age 7 we were virtually joined at the hip. We were each others’ confidantes and we shared everything. Even when puberty hit and when we started dating boys we didn’t grow apart. A smile comes to my face now as i remember some of the things she’s told me about her romantic adventures. We cried together, laughed together, got drunk together, breakups, hookups, family problems, financial problems…you name it. We had each others’ backs.
Fast forward 13 years from 7, I was 20 and completely and totally in love. My attention wasn’t held for long by boys, and it wasn’t until university that i discovered girls could keep me interested … and interested and interested. I had met someone in my algorithms class, and things had developed… it was such a rush, so much was happening inside of me and it was amazing.
I didn’t think twice before telling Ellie. Sure i was afraid, but if there was one person I felt I could talk to it was her. So one day I gushed it all out to her, and imagine my dismay when her first reaction was to try to talk me out of it. It’s a phase, it’s wrong, it has no future… she said it all.
It’s ok I told myself. She is worried about me, what did I expect? Of course she was going to worry about me! Unfortunatey things didn’t end there. First she wouldn’t sleep over at my place anymore, but insisted it wasn’t related. Then she wouldn’t sit very close to me. Next being together became physically awkward, hugs hurried and uncomfortable. And while this was happening, the frequency with which we saw each other was steadily decreasing until finally we hadn’t seen each other in 4 weeks and she’d been dodging my calls and messages, making up excuses.
One month we hadn’t seen each other or really spoken, so I sent her a text message asking her to please pick up, and I called.
The line was picked up but no one spoke. Hello?
I heard shuffling and faint voices in the background and understood that the phone was being passed from one person to another, and then not her voice but a voice I knew very well, her boyfriend of 4 years, spoke through the phone:
layke ya 7ayeti, Ellie is straight and she has a boyfriend, so why dont you get the message already and stop calling her? Rou7i thayyaji 3a gheir 7ada.
-and he hung up.
I can not describe how that moment felt no matter how hard I try or how many adjectives I use. I died a hundred deaths. Even thinking about it now my heart gets cold. But despite everything I was feeling, and although I have no idea how, I managed not to call back. After that, she should call me. But she didn’t.
Can you believe it? She never called me back. So many years of friendship, just poof. She couldn’t even have the decency to part ways amicably, to explain to me what irreconcilable differences she believed my being gay meant we had.
7 years ago that happened, and I have not heard from Ellie since. Of course I hear of her, and I have an idea of where she’s at in life these days, but that friendship I thought would last a lifetime is gone. Pity.